How to Order Thai Street Food Without Panicking

No English menu, a queue behind you, and the auntie is waiting. Relax. First thing: pointing is totally fine. See something good on the next table? Point at it and say "ao muean gan" (เอาเหมือนกัน), same as that. Aunties hear it every day.

Most noodle stalls will ask you three things. One: which noodle? Sen mee (เส้นหมี่) is the thinnest, sen lek (เส้นเล็ก) is small and flat, sen yai (เส้นใหญ่) is big and wide, and ba mee (บะหมี่) are yellow egg noodles. Not sure? Say sen lek. You can't go wrong.

Two: nam (น้ำ) or haeng (แห้ง)? Nam means with soup. Haeng means dry, tossed in sauce, usually with a little bowl of soup on the side. Three: gin tee nee (กินที่นี่) or sai tung (ใส่ถุง)? Eat here, or take away. Yes, Thais take hot noodle soup home in a plastic bag, and somehow it never leaks.

Now, spice. The word that saves your life is "mai phet" (ไม่เผ็ด), not spicy. Don't say "phet nit noi" (เผ็ดนิดหน่อย), a little spicy, unless you really mean it: a Thai "little" is not your little. Good news: most noodles come mild anyway, and you add the spice yourself from the jars on the table.

At most sit-down noodle stalls you pay after you eat. Just say "gep ngoen duay krap" (เก็บเงินด้วยครับ), check please. Lots of small stalls have a QR code, but carry small cash: it's always the easiest. And if you ever get really stuck, ask slowly. Thai people are kind, and your hands help a lot.